The honest truth is that I'm terrified to be a mother. I used to be ready for children. I used to be so excited to have children. Now, I worry that I'm not ready. I feel that since I've had four years to prepare, I should be perfect. And I'm not. And that frightens me.
I thought the time would allow for me to grow and become the best person possible. That I would be able to figure everything out. And then, when I did have children, I would be the most wonderful mother. But I think the time has just let me see all the things I don't know about children.
People tell me it's different with your own children, but I don't see how having a child makes you know about illnesses and safety and all the little things you have to think about.
It scares me, but it also makes me sad. I've become fearful and even a bit jaded. I'm not the same happy, excited woman that I used to be. I worry that I will be one of those paranoid, frantic mothers.
How do I become the person I used to be?
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